three.

IMG_0307, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

his birthday arrived after a week of sickness.  mama stressed about another test.  not managing to do anything for father's day. i felt like such a failure.


seriously, i didn't have a card or a gift for him until chris and i went for dinner saturday night and popped into a bookstore to browse.  we found ourselves in the toy section and realized we hadn't even bought him a gift.  i'll admit that i had looked for one about  month ago, but the store didn't have it and i had resigned myself to not getting exactly what he wanted.


we had to postpone his party because he came down with the hand, foot, and mouth virus earlier in the week.  he had a mild case of it, thankfully, but i was totally out of birthday mode since we wouldn't be celebrating until the next weekend.


and then i spent most of his birthday weekend studying and stressing out.  and then i started to feel bad for myself because i'm no good at multi-tasking when it comes to my own life and my family. 


in the end it doesn't matter.  we sang happy birthday to our sweet little boy; had a wonderful breakfast out to celebrate both the birthday boy and his special daddy; ate yummy brownie sundaes; and his big brother picked out a special present for him.  we spent special time together despite my anxiety.


at the end of the night, i crawled right into bed next to my little boy.  three years ago i would never have imagined how much joy he would bring to our family, how big his smile would be, how bright his eyes would shine when would look directly at his mama.  happy birthday christian.  the past three years have been amazing.

grateful friday.

lazy daisy, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

- glitter nailpolish.
- exciting things on the horizon for our family.
- andrew's last day of pre-k. he's officially a kindergartner!
- yasso frozen yogurt bars. thank you, i'll have another.
- my wavy hair. it is starting to not irritate me.

i know you, you know me

recipe - mac n cheese, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

i had a request for this recipe and post, written on my old blog.  post written july 21, 2010.

my family has a few die-hard recipes that we always go back to. i've never been a fan of mac n cheese. i admit it. my mom didn't make it all that often and i've never really liked cheese. and then once i found out that dairy and i are not bffs, well. cheese and i parted ways.


but then i found myself pregnant and able to eat cheese without any repercussions (gross, i know) and my sister's mac n cheese became my favorite.


her secret? using seasoned salt instead of regular table salt. i like to mix it up, so i use 1/2 tsp seasoned salt, and 1 tsp regular salt.


anyway, her recipe is hands-down the best recipe, and now i have friends calling me for it. so much that i typed up a pretty recipe card so i can give it to them and they'll hopefully save it and stop calling me. and i feel like i should share it with you, too.

i'm no superman.

waterbury tulip festival, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

on thursday night, i drove to class and the theme song to scrubs came on my ipod. i'm no superman. i sang along, loud and proud.

see, i usually arrive late to wherever i am going. i forget to finish things and i leave things to the last minute. i take on more than i can handle.

when it is important, i can finish it, but man, is that hard with the responsibilities of being a mom. this week, i needed help. the stress of the impending exam saturday morning was more than i could handle. friday night, i was mean to my family. i snapped. it was due to the stress. it was because i was not trusting that God could handle it for me.

 so this week, i am late, once again, to grateful friday. but i am grateful. grateful for help from my mom and mother-in-law. babysitting just when i need it. a husband who has made dinner for the family many more times than he should have, as a man who supports his family only on his income. for friends who study with me. for the peace that God can give us when we just trust him.

i'm no superman. but i think i did pretty stinking good on that exam. and i'm also grateful that is is over, and i can move on to the next challenge.

*random picture added because pictures make even my depressing posts just a little bit happier.

delicious.

IMG_0217, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

my sister and the kids came over for memorial day so i made sure to have some popsicles on hand. and i was so grossed out by the food coloring on the tongues and faces. i'm pretty sure that the popsicles (cheap ones from target) had no real fruit or fruit juice in them. gross.

so last week i bought a popsicle mold from amazon.com. then i went looking for recipes. one of the easiest ones i found was on martha stewart. puree watermelon and a tiny bit of sugar and freeze in your molds. the kids were crazy about them and chris and i even had one. i'm definitely more likely to have a popsicle on a hot day if i know what is in it.

and for the kid in me, the rocket shape helps too.

back in baby's arms

IMG_0105, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

i have my camera back. i am so happy that it is fixed but more overjoyed that it is back in my hands. i have missed it. i have lots of work to do this week, with a very important exam on saturday. but i could not resist this photo of my niece dancing with andrew. i love spontaneous moments.

grateful friday, late.

i've been focusing on studying for some exams and trying to enjoy the nice weather during the rest of my time.  and with a broken camera, i've been able to step away from the computer and do other things.

always thankful, albeit a little late.

- my sweet husband planted a bunch of things for me.  we have this terrible root network in our backyard.  we have lovely raspberry bushes and strawberries growing, and i wanted to plant blueberries as well.  he worked so hard just for me.

- fresh, stove popped popcorn. nothing better.

- gorgeous spring weather.

- park dates and picnics and running into friends.

- good grades and a wonderful feeling of satisfaction with the semester over.

- a full week without driving to new haven.  ain't nothing better.

grateful friday.

- the largest of my end of the semester papers has been handed in. i actually did a victory dance.
 - afternoon cups of tea with my sister.
 - sunshine after a grey, rainy week.
 - playing video games with andrew. yeah, i know that they are bad, whatever. they work as an excellent reward for good behavior, and his bed has been made every day without prompting.
- chris planned a date night for us this weekend. i am incredibly excited.
- good advice from my mom not to take anything more on my plate. she's always right (and sometimes i hate that.)

living these moments.

i am just so tired.  my semester is almost over and then i have a summer course and exams to pass.  i want to go lie down in my bed and not move for a week.  i want to close the computer.  i want to live without worrying about what is next.

the other night we took a walk as a family after dinner.  we almost didn't go even though we had talked about it beforehand.  the boys were eating too slowly and chris and i were getting annoyed.  however, we told ourselves that we promised we'd go out, and so we did. 

why am i wishing away the time?  why am i not enjoying these moments?  all i can seem to do is wish toward when i don't have to run off to class, when i don't have to worry about money, when i can be present.  the truth is, that is never going to be.  there is always going to be somewhere, something, anything on my mind.  i need to give my worries to God and enjoy the moment. going for walks with my family.  playing legos with christian.  listening as chris tells me about his day.  reading with andrew. in the moment, living these moments.

a few images from our family walk the other night.

IMG_6478, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

IMG_6485, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

IMG_6486, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

forever friends.

i have been incredibly busy with the end of the semester. but we took a bit of time out this weekend to head to a tulip festival here in town. tulips may be my favorite flower, but this picture is my favorite of the day. i love these boys and the friendship they have.

best friends, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

so now you are 5.

andrew at 5, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

when you were little you were a little ball of fire.  we couldn't go anywhere and let you walk.  you wanted to move.  it was so hard.  you wanted to see the world and run.  you didn't care where mama and daddy were.  i'll be honest, you scared me all the time.  you hid in clothing racks, ran out into traffic, refused to be held.  now, you were just a curious little monkey, but as your mama, i felt confused.  this was not how motherhood was supposed to be. i was angry with myself, because i wasn't good at this.  but i learned how to deal with your adventurous self and we stuck at home as often as possible.  we went only places where i could keep you within my grasp. i simply couldn't keep up with you.  there was one person who told me that they thought i didn't watch you enough.  boy, did i feel frustrated.  and even angry at one point - this was not supposed to be this hard.  how come it was so much easier for everyone else?

when you were still growing inside mama, the doctors did an ultrasound and they thought something was wrong with you.  it was so very early in your growth and they couldn't accurately tell us what was going to happen.  mama was sent to specialists and scary words were thrown around.  we chose to simply pray for you and ask God to take you in His hands.  we knew that we loved you no matter what.  oh we prayed so hard for you, did you know that?  and when we went for the ultrasounds further into mama's pregnancy, that area of concern was completely healed.  in fact, the doctor couldn't believe that she was looking at images of the same baby.

my sweet, when i am frustrated or tired, i realize now that God gave me a boy who likes to run and move and jump and play.  a boy who may have struggled with biting his friends but is healthy and alive.  a boy who is learning and joyful and loving.  daddy and i have learned that parenthood isn't everything you will expect it to be - it is far better.  having you in our lives is unimaginably the best thing that has happened to us.  every day with you is fun.  happy 5th birthday, andrew christopher.

little miracle.

my friend christina likes olives. and when she brought over a salad to share for lunch shortly after i had christian, she didn't like the taste of them. i immediately knew that she must be expecting. i was unbelievably excited when she said that i could photograph their sweet baby girl. i've learned so much about photography since my boys were babies and i have been anxious to try some newborn photos. this is a huge share, but i simply couldn't pick a favorite. i did narrow it down to 7 favorites which was quite an accomplishment.

i am so grateful for the experience and all the sweet cuddle time that i got with this darling baby.  her parents are dear friends of ours and we are so happy to share these amazing moments with them, as we grow as friends, centering our lives around playing cards and hanging out to planning activities our kids will enjoy together.  i'm hoping that we can continue and be friends for a very, very long time.

introducing, Allie Grace and big sister Emma.  

blacker6, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

blacker7, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

blacker4, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

blacker1, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

blacker2, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

blacker3, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

blacker5, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

eye on my surroundings.

chris and i cut down most of a dead tree on saturday. as usual with my sweet husband, i can get him to do things by starting them myself and asking him for help. then he gladly takes over and things get done rather than just talked about. he just loves when i do this, haha. i am really loving spring. and because of the tree we cut back, i discovered this pretty little tree right next to it. it seriously bloomed overnight.

IMG_6205, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

it is so pretty. some of my friends informed me that it is likely a crab apple tree and that they don't always produce crab apples. now i am going to be stalking this tree to see what happens. i know for sure that it doesn't have crab apples but it could have some sort of smaller fruit, maybe one that looks like berries.

IMG_6208, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

IMG_6207, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

IMG_6197, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

isn't it pretty? i couldn't resist it. i have a serious black thumb but i am going to try my hand at some more gardening. i'm a bit obsessed with photographing all types of flowers.

Easter

we decided to stay home for Easter this year. it was perfect.

making pies, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

and definitely not as boring as andrew is making it seem. making pies is definitely fun. we colored eggs, had a hunt in the backyard, cleaned the house. chris and i woke up early and made sure that we got to church on time. the ham was in the oven and the timer went off just as we walked in the door after church. the boys were well behaved and we didn't stress at all. a perfect holiday.

after church, we set up the tripod with my camera to take a family picture. i am so pleased with this one since the boys are actually looking at the camera - seems as though they really enjoy seeing me run back and forth from the tripod to re-set the timer.

Easter boys, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

O family, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

hope everyone had a good Easter!

grateful friday

the week was long but good. i have so much to be thankful for.

-a sweet date with andrew the other night. actually, an entire sweet week with him while he has been on break. granted, that one day i had a paper to write was a little frustrating. i had forgotten what it was like trying to write papers with two children at home. but, i really enjoyed the extra time with him.
-nearing the end of my semester. i still have a lot more to do to finish up, and tests to study for, but it feels good to be getting closer.
-ordering a canvas for a wall in our home, thanks to groupon. i love a good deal and i'm excited to see my own photography printed nice and large!
-we had such a terrific easter. i'm grateful for time spent with my little family.
-lastly, i lost my grammie this week. she passed earlier this week. she lived 99 long years and was a wonderful example of a christian wife and mother. i am grateful for the comfort and promise of heaven.

big kid

tee ball, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

andrew started t-ball on friday. i feel as though i have blinked and suddenly i have this child before me. he will be 5 in two weeks. i am having difficulty grasping that. the days of his babyhood and toddlerhood are long gone. oh, those were such hard days. i sure do have several extra gray hairs courtesy of my sweet boy. however, as with any difficult season, it passes. he is on spring break this week and i am loving being able to spend quality time with him. most days i bring him to school and then after picking him up at the end of the day, i am running around the house gathering my things for school, getting the boys ready to go to their grandma's, and honestly, finishing up a paper last-minute. i haven't had opportunities to spend one-on-one time with him and i miss it. most of the time when i am not running off to class he relaxes on the couch and we don't do anything of quality together.
i'm going to remedy that this week. we'll make intentional memories and enjoy each other's company. before he turns 5 and i no longer have a little boy but a big kid.

a brand new day

it's monday, a brand new day, brand new week. i realize i was sort of melancholy on friday. its very likely that if you are reading this here little blog then i was not referring to you. you see, that entire aspect of life in which you outgrow friendships is difficult. and when you realize that those friendships are no longer a large part of your life, you tend to contemplate the rest of your life. one of my favorite bloggers stephanie from adventures in babywearing quoted evelyn from fried green tomatoes recently, and you better believe i added fried green tomatoes to my blockbuster queue right away. evelyn was having a midlife crisis of sorts and we all know she had zero support from her husband, but she was too young to be old and too old to be young. seriously? yes. i am too young to be headed out in the evenings to t-ball practice and worrying about buying a home in an area with a good high school. i am too old to be focusing on silly things like friendships. you know what, i have a very good grasp on the fact that although i feel this way at 31, i will also feel this way at 41, 51, 61 and so on.
and so, monday. a new day, a new week. moving forward.

grateful friday

i'm choosing to be grateful today, simply because it is not coming naturally. not that i am naturally thankful for every aspect of my life, but this week has been long and certain circumstances have left me feeling very sad. i'm trying not to allow myself to constantly think of that sadness and instead, dwell on the positive things within my week.

- although it was completed at the very last minute, i handed in a huge project this week. major sense of accomplishment and one step closer toward being done with my Masters.
- andrew begins t-ball tonight. this boy is growing up and its so much fun to watch.
- i got to snuggle a newborn baby this week for a chance to try some newborn photos. i am loving this phase of learning with photography and this baby was unbelievably sweet.
- lastly, i am especially thankful for friends this week. part of my sadness is caught in that strange void between who you used to be and who you are now. i think it is very difficult to articulate the place that i am in. people who i considered close to me no longer are. so i am thankful for the friends who are there, for those new friends that have come along who mean the world.

spring is here

this morning was rough. we headed to the library only to discover that i had messed up on our due dates for the 30 books we had out. they were due 7 days ago. the librarian was rather rude and i admit, i had tears in my eyes. hormones, tiredness, headache all added up to an emotional mb. not only did i have to leave to go to the atm to pay off the fine in order to take out the books that we'd already picked out - and many which i needed for school but i also had to go back home and get the books that i wanted to renew, since they were refusing to renew them through the computer.

then it rained. it was one of those cold rains where your body is chilled to the bone. andrew had a half day - for which i am thankful - so we ran back inside the house from the car and got under the blankets. cranked the heat up - shh, don't tell chris about the heat and tried our best to warm our insides.

crabby. irritated. tired. i wanted to complain about my horrible morning of driving around the city and getting nothing accomplished. then the rain stopped, the sun came back out, and my spirit lifted just a little. then andrew did something funny and i was able to crack a smile. and i realized that i had nothing to be crabby about. i am incredibly blessed with a car to drive to the library, and a free public library to get books, money to pay for fines caused by my own stupidity, and heat to crank back up in my own blessed little house.

spring is here, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

so i went outside and looked at the brightness around me. nothing to be sad about when the mysterious tree in my yard begins to flower with its simple pink little buds. i have no idea what kind of tree this is. but it is beautiful, and it makes me happy when i find its little petals all over my car. i grabbed my camera and decided that i would document the day where i realized that i had nothing to complain about.

i asked for a smile.

i asked for a smile., a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

this little boy amazes me every day. most recently he has started using the potty. and i'm realizing how much i hate writing the word potty, but saying toilet trained sounds funny. anyhow, i was amazed at how easily he trained and i am beyond pleased with his progress.
he amazes me with his sense of humor. oh how this boy loves a good laugh. his most recent quip includes calling everyone "buddy." however when he says it, it sounds like "buddieeeee" and of course always brings a huge smile to my face.
he has started being a bit more independent and will head off to get out blocks or legos and play on his own. i am so thankful for that and i love when he calls me to see his creation. of course his independence is coupled with a bit of attachment. he is now fiercely afraid of walking down stairs without holding on to my hand. truthfully i was irritated as we are usually running out the door and i need him to wait for me by the car. but i'm slowly trying to keep my patience and enjoy the moment when he calls out nervously to me, grasps his small fingers in my hand and relys on me to make his way down. because some day he is not going to need me.

beach day

we took a beach day.

beach day, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

see, we've had this unseasonably warm winter, where i've enjoyed heading out without a coat. and then in march we had these high temperatures, and on the first day of spring i was wearing flip flops and a skirt. its been unbelievable, and i'm enjoying it. truthfully i'm expecting a massive amount of snow next winter, and so i'll gladly take what we have now.

crack is whack, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

so we headed to the beach. it was one of those spur-of-the-moment decisions. you know the kind - like when you are driving by dairy queen and the thought of a blizzard pops in your mind, and you have to make a quick decision because turning around would be more effort than you are willing to give. i had approximately 30 minutes to decide and pack our bags. a quick call to chris and getting the okay to drive the hour to the beach was all i needed. we had been out all morning, and so with christian asleep in the car, i threw things in the cooler and beach bag, all the while feeling that flutter of excitement that a special adventure brings.

resting, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

and oh my, what an adventure. it truly was one of those special days where i felt content with life, content with my boys as they played together. people nearby on the beach were friends instead of strangers as they engaged the boys and smiled at their antics. i find that sometimes i plan and plan something that i have envisioned will be the most exciting time with my children, and yet it doesn't turn out that way. my anticipation turns to frustration as the boys fight. i try to get things prepared and my hopes of a nice time are dashed by the sound of my own voice increasing in volume as i yell and holler at them to simply behave.

i have to remember that it is in the spur of the moment adventures that we are content. nothing fancy, just us. the look of surprise on the boys' faces as we pulled up to the beach. the warm sun and light breeze on my shoulders. oreo crumbs on their lips and sand in their hair.

i do love the summer, and all the fun that usually comes along. however, summer is often like those trips that i plan and plan and fail. and so, on this little day in march, we had a beach day. nothing planned. a warm day that acted as a gift to us.

old man winter

berries, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

it finally snowed. at least, it finally snowed during winter. we had that lovely snowstorm that put us out of power for almost a week back in the fall, but this is the first real snow that we've had this winter.

i hate the snow.

i hate the cold. i'm cold regardless of season. even in the summer, my feet are cold. right now i have socks on and it is a most beautiful, warm-ish day and my toes are cold, i can feel it.

when i was younger, bundling up and playing in the snow appealed to me. i remember going sledding with friends when chris and i were engaged. now? my time is precious and my toes are cold. i rarely get free time and i don't want to spend it creating more laundry for myself. and cold-er toes.

like i said, its warm out today. i didn't wear a coat and i don't intend on wearing one tonight when i head to class. my toes may be cold but my arms are just fine in long sleeves and warmish winter weather.

the snow is mostly gone already - the rain from last night and the glorious, beautiful sunshine took care of it for me - and i just keep thinking, no more snow. one time this winter was enough for me.

weeks 2 & 3

my entire plan of blogging more was halted by my lack of internet. yes, we screwed up our own internet, accidentally, and then could not get it working again. still we are struggling to keep it working. thankfully i have a fantastic brother-in-law who came over and fixed it, but it seems to continue to have problems and go in and out. i'm frustrated but trying to take this as a sign to get more projects and cleaning done around the house.
so i bring you week 2, theme blue. i tried to photograph christian's blue lips as he got out of the tub, but they were more purple than blue. and of course, then my internet went out and i couldn't get that dsl light to just light up. depressing.

week 2/52: blue, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

of course the internet was so slow once it was back up that i couldn't upload any photos. week 3 was curves, and i was pretty stumped. then during one of the most mundane tasks - dishwashing - i saw an abundance of curves in all the little bubbles in my hands. so of course i grabbed the camera and carefully - i was so, so afraid of dropping the thing into the dish water - attempted to capture the bubbles.

week 3/52: curves, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

i'm really enjoying this challenge - it is my pace, because i could never keep up with this daily.

week 1: new

week 1: new, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

week one and i had about a million ideas in my head for the theme, but yet i couldn't seem to get any one of them just right. then today, chris heads to barnes and noble to check for a special edition of Risk and came home with another edition of Monopoly. we collect Monopoly games, and we haven't gotten one in a while - but this was the platinum edition, and at 50% off he couldn't resist. we absolutely love Monopoly and sat down tonight to spend time together and play.

cheri has a mr.linky up to link to anyone else blogging their photos. its not too late to join!

challenge

52aYear.jpg, a photo by tinkerellen on Flickr.

so cheri and i decided to create a 52 pictures a year challenge. truthfully i was the one who pressured her into the idea. i attempted a 365 last year and didn't get very far. we created a facebook group for everyone to join to share and organize the photos, as well as link to their blogs where they can also post the photos and an explanation if they wish. i'll be posting mine here and linking to anyone else who blogs their photos. so, join on up... we already are finishing out our first week of the new year and have the perfect theme for this week.

52aYear_wk1.jpg, a photo by tinkerellen on Flickr.