Wednesday, April 25, 2012

so now you are 5.

andrew at 5 by sassyladybug
andrew at 5, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

when you were little you were a little ball of fire.  we couldn't go anywhere and let you walk.  you wanted to move.  it was so hard.  you wanted to see the world and run.  you didn't care where mama and daddy were.  i'll be honest, you scared me all the time.  you hid in clothing racks, ran out into traffic, refused to be held.  now, you were just a curious little monkey, but as your mama, i felt confused.  this was not how motherhood was supposed to be. i was angry with myself, because i wasn't good at this.  but i learned how to deal with your adventurous self and we stuck at home as often as possible.  we went only places where i could keep you within my grasp. i simply couldn't keep up with you.  there was one person who told me that they thought i didn't watch you enough.  boy, did i feel frustrated.  and even angry at one point - this was not supposed to be this hard.  how come it was so much easier for everyone else?

when you were still growing inside mama, the doctors did an ultrasound and they thought something was wrong with you.  it was so very early in your growth and they couldn't accurately tell us what was going to happen.  mama was sent to specialists and scary words were thrown around.  we chose to simply pray for you and ask God to take you in His hands.  we knew that we loved you no matter what.  oh we prayed so hard for you, did you know that?  and when we went for the ultrasounds further into mama's pregnancy, that area of concern was completely healed.  in fact, the doctor couldn't believe that she was looking at images of the same baby.

my sweet, when i am frustrated or tired, i realize now that God gave me a boy who likes to run and move and jump and play.  a boy who may have struggled with biting his friends but is healthy and alive.  a boy who is learning and joyful and loving.  daddy and i have learned that parenthood isn't everything you will expect it to be - it is far better.  having you in our lives is unimaginably the best thing that has happened to us.  every day with you is fun.  happy 5th birthday, andrew christopher.

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