calm. consistent. cautious. careful.

christian is slowly learning to do some new things. this includes going down the stairs to head outside. he takes his time, one step at a time, careful, so cautious. a few times he'll look back at me to make sure he's doing it right.

its funny that even as adults we sometimes do something over and over and still need to take that caution. parenting has been so, so hard this summer. andrew is 4 and for some reason i had thought that we were beyond some of the problems we'd had. well, to be honest, we were over some of the problems... but the others have come back full-force.

he's hiding from me when we go places, talking back to me, refusing to pick up toys or put on his shoes when he is told... i could go on. i get so frustrated and lose my cool at times. i never knew parenting would be this hard.

watching christian i had one of those aha moments. cautious. careful. the thing with parenting is that i'm never going to be 100% good at it. christian will eventually learn to climb the outside stairs quicker and someday he won't need to hold on to the railing. then one day he'll run up them and someday he'll even skip the steps because his legs will be so long. but with parenting, i'm never going to be able to run with it, even if i think i can. each kid is different, and what works one day is not going to work the next. discipline and teaching my child is something that i cannot take lightly.

so, i've returned to andrew with a renewed spirit. i'm desperately trying to be calm with him and only use my loud, frustrated voice when he's truly in danger. i've reminded him constantly that i love him, that he is special. i never want him to think that his disobedience changes the way that i feel about him.

calm, consistent. cautious, careful.