when i get there i'll go jumping through the air

since i left my job a few weeks ago, the prospect of some new time at home has made me downright giddy. yes, i can finally get stuff done! i'll make homemade cookies daily and my kitchen will sparkle! my child will learn to read by 2 (i do have a few months...) and i'll knit all of us complicated nordic sweaters! (truthfully i haven't knitted a sweater and i'm too scared to try.)

the first week i was at home, chris was working from home and it put a damper on my plans. we ended up relaxing together, not getting the housework done and being kind of lazy.

and who can forget the fact that i now have homework? oh yeah, i have to fit that in too.

you see, all these moms on the internet give appearances that their lives are perfect. they get out the decorations for each new holiday in perfect timing and they would never be left hanging up too late. they make crafts timed perfectly according to their child's development and of course, the upcoming holidays or seasons. they never yell and their children never make messes. they somehow find the ability to nurse a baby through the night and then knit with the baby in their arms during the day. how is this possible? how can anyone try to attain that type of life? the truth is, we all try to attain that kind of life, but we're not perfect.

i was thinking about this after i spent the morning cleaning the other day. i looked around the house and it was still not picked up the way i'd tried. my little guy has learned how to climb and has learned how to tear things up even more than before. it doesn't help that i'd tried to have a tv-free day and put on some music for him to enjoy while he played and i cleaned - except that made him even more anxious to tear apart what i'd done.

my friend recently had this quote as her email signature - "You need both blessings and difficulties, because one without the other is neither." i read that and started to think, sometimes you need those moments where you fail so that you can actually succeed at things. i fail when i can't keep up with my toddler, but i succeed when i make sure that the house is picked up right after he goes to bed, so that chris and i can enjoy a nice evening not surrounded by clutter. i fail when i scold him a little too harshly, but i succeed when i apologize and correct him properly and he rewards me with a kiss and a hug.

life is not perfect. i'm not going to get that valentine's day wreath made and hanging on my door anytime soon. that would mean taking down my evergreen christmas wreath. and apparently i'm not ready to do that yet, either.