delicious.

IMG_0217, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

my sister and the kids came over for memorial day so i made sure to have some popsicles on hand. and i was so grossed out by the food coloring on the tongues and faces. i'm pretty sure that the popsicles (cheap ones from target) had no real fruit or fruit juice in them. gross.

so last week i bought a popsicle mold from amazon.com. then i went looking for recipes. one of the easiest ones i found was on martha stewart. puree watermelon and a tiny bit of sugar and freeze in your molds. the kids were crazy about them and chris and i even had one. i'm definitely more likely to have a popsicle on a hot day if i know what is in it.

and for the kid in me, the rocket shape helps too.

back in baby's arms

IMG_0105, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

i have my camera back. i am so happy that it is fixed but more overjoyed that it is back in my hands. i have missed it. i have lots of work to do this week, with a very important exam on saturday. but i could not resist this photo of my niece dancing with andrew. i love spontaneous moments.

grateful friday, late.

i've been focusing on studying for some exams and trying to enjoy the nice weather during the rest of my time.  and with a broken camera, i've been able to step away from the computer and do other things.

always thankful, albeit a little late.

- my sweet husband planted a bunch of things for me.  we have this terrible root network in our backyard.  we have lovely raspberry bushes and strawberries growing, and i wanted to plant blueberries as well.  he worked so hard just for me.

- fresh, stove popped popcorn. nothing better.

- gorgeous spring weather.

- park dates and picnics and running into friends.

- good grades and a wonderful feeling of satisfaction with the semester over.

- a full week without driving to new haven.  ain't nothing better.

grateful friday.

- the largest of my end of the semester papers has been handed in. i actually did a victory dance.
 - afternoon cups of tea with my sister.
 - sunshine after a grey, rainy week.
 - playing video games with andrew. yeah, i know that they are bad, whatever. they work as an excellent reward for good behavior, and his bed has been made every day without prompting.
- chris planned a date night for us this weekend. i am incredibly excited.
- good advice from my mom not to take anything more on my plate. she's always right (and sometimes i hate that.)

living these moments.

i am just so tired.  my semester is almost over and then i have a summer course and exams to pass.  i want to go lie down in my bed and not move for a week.  i want to close the computer.  i want to live without worrying about what is next.

the other night we took a walk as a family after dinner.  we almost didn't go even though we had talked about it beforehand.  the boys were eating too slowly and chris and i were getting annoyed.  however, we told ourselves that we promised we'd go out, and so we did. 

why am i wishing away the time?  why am i not enjoying these moments?  all i can seem to do is wish toward when i don't have to run off to class, when i don't have to worry about money, when i can be present.  the truth is, that is never going to be.  there is always going to be somewhere, something, anything on my mind.  i need to give my worries to God and enjoy the moment. going for walks with my family.  playing legos with christian.  listening as chris tells me about his day.  reading with andrew. in the moment, living these moments.

a few images from our family walk the other night.

IMG_6478, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

IMG_6485, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

IMG_6486, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

forever friends.

i have been incredibly busy with the end of the semester. but we took a bit of time out this weekend to head to a tulip festival here in town. tulips may be my favorite flower, but this picture is my favorite of the day. i love these boys and the friendship they have.

best friends, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

so now you are 5.

andrew at 5, a photo by sassyladybug on Flickr.

when you were little you were a little ball of fire.  we couldn't go anywhere and let you walk.  you wanted to move.  it was so hard.  you wanted to see the world and run.  you didn't care where mama and daddy were.  i'll be honest, you scared me all the time.  you hid in clothing racks, ran out into traffic, refused to be held.  now, you were just a curious little monkey, but as your mama, i felt confused.  this was not how motherhood was supposed to be. i was angry with myself, because i wasn't good at this.  but i learned how to deal with your adventurous self and we stuck at home as often as possible.  we went only places where i could keep you within my grasp. i simply couldn't keep up with you.  there was one person who told me that they thought i didn't watch you enough.  boy, did i feel frustrated.  and even angry at one point - this was not supposed to be this hard.  how come it was so much easier for everyone else?

when you were still growing inside mama, the doctors did an ultrasound and they thought something was wrong with you.  it was so very early in your growth and they couldn't accurately tell us what was going to happen.  mama was sent to specialists and scary words were thrown around.  we chose to simply pray for you and ask God to take you in His hands.  we knew that we loved you no matter what.  oh we prayed so hard for you, did you know that?  and when we went for the ultrasounds further into mama's pregnancy, that area of concern was completely healed.  in fact, the doctor couldn't believe that she was looking at images of the same baby.

my sweet, when i am frustrated or tired, i realize now that God gave me a boy who likes to run and move and jump and play.  a boy who may have struggled with biting his friends but is healthy and alive.  a boy who is learning and joyful and loving.  daddy and i have learned that parenthood isn't everything you will expect it to be - it is far better.  having you in our lives is unimaginably the best thing that has happened to us.  every day with you is fun.  happy 5th birthday, andrew christopher.